Myriads of Memories - Part three

this page contains Part three of

Myriads of Memories

by Amy Davis White

Here is a woman's story, from her beginning.

Part three

We've met before --- I know the feeling.
We've met before.  Somehow I know
We've walked together under the same old sun;
But in a different time,
With different names and places to go.
I seem to remember that we were good friends
Long ago.

We'll meet again --- I have a feeling
We'll meet again.  Somehow I know
We'll walk together under the warm, red sun,
Through soft green paths, beside
A crystal stream, together again.
I know in my heart that we'll meet and be friends
Once again.

(song lyrics)

How is it that I meet thee in my youth,
And yet, remember thee as in old age;
As if a hand had written this same page
Of hist'ry many times before?  In truth,
I find our meeting fated by some plan
Affecting was and is and may-become.
And yet, it may seem foolishness to some
Who feel a past time never comes again.

This person is my brother from henceforth.
I choose him now for my adopted kin
Because of love I bear for him, as in
A family close knit where each has worth
To each in such a way that no demand
Is made upon another.  Without lust,
Without design, I here bestow my trust
And friendship.  And in reaching out my hand
I name him Brother of My Soul.  For he
Is closer to blood brotherhood than aught
I could consider him to be.  In thought,
In manner, he's a link in destiny.
And if next time my choice became first lot,
I think I'd choose him for the brother spot.

When will I no longer be
Lonely as a reed
Waving in a lake with no
Other reeds to see?

(song lyrics)

If love were only a faery-tale,
And friendship only a dream,
This world would be all forlorn and barren,
And flowers would wilt ere the spring.

If joy were just a child's make-believe,
And happiness just "let's pretend,"
This life would be so mechanically dull,
And songs, only dirges of wind.

How can I say that which I must leave said?
Three simple words are not so hard to speak;
Yet thoughts of speaking them fill me with dread
That love so quickly vowed be also weak,
Or, if not weak, be spurned and not returned,
Not wanted, better left unsaid, unvowed.
'Tis best to love and not be so concerned
With reaping profits, not be quite so proud
Of self and self's accomplishments.  To learn
How to reap love BECAUSE it is not sought
Is hard.  One's nature is to try to EARN
A wanted love.  Is gift better than bought?
A lesson learned's a loaf with butter spread.
Dear Lord, give me this day my daily bread.

When shall I say I met you first?
Was it that day when first my eyes
Looked into thine?
Perhaps it was when first my heart
Looked into thine?
Or was it when at first my soul
Looked into thine?

If I had met thee ere this time of year
And ere this year, would we have been the same
As now we are becoming?  Did Chance name
The moment of our meeting from the sheer,
Blue pleasure of deciding "Now and here!"
Or did she call upon her titled fame
For catching just the moment to acclaim
A lover's meeting, to make it more dear?
As dear you are to me, my love, as when
I first began to wish for one like you.
As precious to me now are you as then,
As dearly placed among the chosen few
Of my high aspirations.  Come again
To me that I might give you all your due.

When I was young I loved a dream
Of perfect love and grace,
Of visionary eyes, of wit,
Of strong and manly face,
Of tender smiles and patient mind,
Of wisdom, keen and free;
And now I'm grown, I've found my dream,
And you're the one for me.

It was with sorrow that I bid you leave,
And still with sorrow that I saw you go.
I've told myself, though, that I must not grieve.
We're much like Juliet and Romeo,
In that my parents do not wish the tie
Between us to become too close and strong;
Yet much like bonds between the earth and sky,
Which always meet and never part for long.
Is there a patron saint for such as we?
Do parted lovers have a guardian star?
Is there aught else in store for you and me
That others cannot hinder, cannot bar?
For such a happy future we must wait
And see ourselves if it be soon or late.

I dreamed today you were beside me yet,
And then awoke --- too suddenly aware
That you had disappeared, no longer there.
Then I discovered that my cheeks were wet.

I bid thee leave, but thou shouldst KNOW
I meant not thou shouldst take it so.
I bid thee leave because 'twas best,
My mind thought;  and at my request
Thou left my solitary ways
More filled with lonely, tragic days.
And now my heart gasps with the pain.
And now my mind clouds up with rain.
My feet tread paths we never walked.
My voice speaks thoughts we never talked.
And oh... oh, how I wish 'twere so,
That I had never bid thee go.

I loved you in a moment,
A moment swift as flame,
But my soul was thine that hour,
And I still whisper your name.

I saw your heart that moment.
I felt your mind meet mine.
In the opening of a flower,
Ever lone, our thoughts entwine.

But now the vows are broken.
The promises were vain.
Now the sun no more is beaming,
And it looks like it will rain.

[And now the vows are spoken.
 The promises are plain.
 Now the sunlit shore is gleaming,
 And the brook is filled with rain.]

Let my heart be your token.
My thoughts will never fade,
But my mem'ries fast are seeming
Only dreams we never played.

(song lyrics)

I thought today how, once, my life was torn
'Twixt bitter hopelessness and fervent trust.
I thought how oft I felt I had been thrust
From out your heart.  How lonely and forlorn
I'd been when first I thought you had forsworn
Your love for me!  How my heart turned to dust
When no word came!  And how my tears did rust
My iron will to keep faith, though all care-worn.
And yet, my rusting will was oiled once more
Each time my mem'ry found another smile
That you'd bestowed upon me.  Or a glance
That I once knew would open up a door
And I'd look through, rememb'ring all the while.
The thought that you'd return e'er made me dance.

Waiting is a lonely pastime
Filled with dreams and filled with tears,
Filled with memories of the last time,
Filled with hopes and fragile fears,
Filled with longings for the next time,
Filled with days that seem like years.

Attempts to isolate a phrase
Descriptive of the lonely haze
In which I move when you depart
Lead me to find no words impart
A keener message than the few
Too often used words, "I miss you."

"When did I find myself?" I asked the moon.
"When did I know that I need not fear them?
When did I realize I needed him
More than I needed their respect?"  And soon
My moon replied between the shifting ice,
And told me that I'd grown a lot that year
And that I'd learned my lessons well, though dear
Had been the learning of them, though the price,
Full heavy, had been all the hurt I'd known.
My moon reminded me that now my lake
Was filled with waving reeds, that life would break
Less forcefully upon me, that alone
Was something I would never be again.
My tears had carved the happiness I'd win.

Go to Amy's Attic | Go to